var Statements = new Array( 'Little Jacob had a hard time getting use to a new baby in the house. Coming out of his bedroom talking rather loud and being told to be quiet, the baby is asleep, he very seriously said, “ Well ya’ll better be quiet, cause my foot’s asleep.”', 'One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice "Mommy will you sleep with me tonight? " The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can not dear" she said. "I have to sleep in Daddys room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."', 'After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?"', 'An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still my heart thought my friend my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps! Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order?"', 'A new neighbor asked the little girl next door if she had any brothers and sisters. She replied "No I am the lonely child."', 'One day a guy was driving with his four-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, "I did that by accident." She replied, "I know that, Daddy." He replied, "How’d you know?" The girl said, "Because you didn’t say ’JERK’ afterwards!"', 'I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"', 'While her mother was studying the chapter on hematology for her nursing class, four-year-old Danielle asked what she was reading. Her mother said she was learning about blood and she explained how the heart pumps blood all the way through the body. Then she taught Danielle to feel her pulse in her wrists and feet. Danielle wandered away and her mother noticed her looking at the soles of her feet. Then Danielle twisted and turned and pulled down the top of her shorts to look at her bottom. She stretched her arms all the way around and managed to feel her back. Her mother didn’t pay any attention until Danielle came back and asked, "Where do we put the batteries?"', 'The child was a typical four-year-old girl -- cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"', 'A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. "Momma, look what I found!" the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered: "I think it’s Adam’s suit!"', 'My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You’re both old," he replied.', 'A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them."Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, ’come fly the friendly skies’?" Joe answered the correct airline. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don’t leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan, ’Just do it’?" And John answered, "Mom."', 'The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?" "Yes", whispered the small voice."May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?""Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No". Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child. "Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman". Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked "May I speak with the policeman"? "No, he’s busy", whispered the child."Busy doing what?, asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice."What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper." Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there"? Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "They’re looking for me!"', 'My two-year-old cousin scared us one summer by disappearing during our lakeside vacation. More than a dozen relatives searched the forest and shoreline, and everyone was relieved when we found Matthew playing calmly in the woods. "Listen to me!" his mother said sharply. "From now on when you want to go someplace, you tell Mommy first, okay?" Matthew thought about that for a moment and said, "Okay, Disney World."', 'A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later..."Da-ad..." "What?" "I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..." "WHAT?" "I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later...Daaaa-aaaad..." "WHAT??!!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"', 'When my son was in preschool and one of the students became ill with chicken pox, the teacher asked if anyone else had ever had chicken pox. He raised his hand and said, "No, but I’ve had Cocoa Pops."', 'Out shopping, my friend Darin noticed a mother with three little girls and a baby. The woman’s patience was wearing thin as all the girls called "Mama" while she tried to shop. Finally, Darin heard her say, "I don’t want to hear the word MAMA for at least five minutes." A few seconds went by, then one girl tugged on her mom’s skirt and said, "Excuse me, miss."', 'A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I? " Ready to play the game, she said, "I don’t know! Who are you?" "WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn’t recognize me!"', 'While sitting at the dinner table one evening, my 7 and 8-year-old boys started telling me how they "thought" that they witnessed two teenagers engaging in the "full facts of life" in the next-door garage. Concerned, of course, I questioned them and was relieved to find out that they were doing not much more than kissing. So, of course, I felt it best at that time to set them straight and explain the real facts of life to them. My oldest found everything I said to be quite funny and silly but my 7-year-old blurted out (as I was swallowing my food) "Oh, I get it! It’s like going to the gas station and pumping gas!"', 'While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said, "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnnn. . . and into the hole you goooo."', 'Two-year-old Kenny carried over a photo album with a cut-out cover to show the top photo inside. It was a picture of his dad holding him on the day he was born. Kenny said, "Look, Daddy! Here’s a picture of you holding a baby of me!"', 'The restaurant where I took my two sons for a meal was crowded with fans watching a sporting event on television. The harried waitress took our order, but more than half an hour passed with no sign of her return. I was trying to keep my kids from becoming restless when suddenly shouts of victory came from the bar. "Hey," commented my 11-year-old, "it sounds as if someone just got his food."', 'We had spent the day moving from our farmhouse into our new house in town. Very early the next morning, our 3 1/2 -year-old ran into our bedroom to wake us up. I dressed him and told him to play in the yard and to quit bothering us. About 20 minutes later, he came running back. "Mommy! Mommy!" he exclaimed, "everybody has doorbells - and they all work!"', 'OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES
How do you decide who to marry?